Recently, I was waiting for a parcel from overseas. One of the major cons of living in a tiny paradise at the bottom of the world is it costs a million dollars to ship anything, and it TAKES a million years for things to arrive.

I obsessively tracked the shipping updates for my parcel. France. Dubai. Singapore. Then it hit Australia, and the little icon turned red. An email came to say it was delayed in customs.

I took a deep breath, because this always happens.

Finally, it arrived in New Zealand. At last! Only. . . red icon again. Customs delay.

After a day or so, I rang the shipping company because I hadn’t heard anything and suspected I had duty charges to pay.

“Oh yeah, you do,” the lady said, saying she’d email me a form so I could apply for a number I needed to pay my duty charges. I got the form, filled it out immediately and sent it back.

Two more days passed, and I emailed asking if everything was okay.

“Oh my gosh, sorry. I somehow lost your application,” she said. I filled it out again and sent it off, getting a bit annoyed by this point.

A day and a half later, I called to see if they’d processed my number, which I was told would take just half a day to do. This time she said: “Oh, we needed the invoice to state your name at the top of the address line, not on the contact name line. . .”

By this stage, my patience had become paper thin, and I’m ashamed to say I got really cross.

After a growly exchange, I felt guilty and sent a box of red velvet cupcakes with a “sorry for being grumpy” note. The lady emailed me saying thank you, and that she understood, and a day later I got my parcel. 

Why do we even have to wait?

We know waiting is a part of life, but it doesn’t stop us from getting a bit cross when things don’t happen soon enough.

At the bottom of it all, we simply don’t get why we need to wait. Why can’t God just snap His fingers and make the thing happen for us?

Recently, my daughter has started learning piano and practising together has been a total nightmare.

“You’re too good!” she literally sobs when I try to help her, “I’ll never be as good!”

But I’d been playing the piano since I was her age (four and a half), and I’m now nearly 33. “I’ve been playing for longer than you’ve been alive,” I told her, “and if you practice and keep playing, you’ll get as good as me, probably better.”

Of course, Gigi doesn’t want to have to wait and be patient to master the piano. She wants to have aced it already, playing on stage in a concert.

“All the best things,” I told her, “take time.”

Everything worth doing in life will have some degree of waiting involved.

On the grand scale, our entire lives are caught up in waiting—for Jesus’s return. Romans 8 talks about how the whole of creation groans in anticipation of it, and we are encouraged to eagerly look forward to the coming of God’s Kingdom and the reward of Heaven. Romans 8:24-25 says: “For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

Hope carries with it an air of uncertainty—not that we’re uncertain about the “what”; it’s the “when”. But even though we don’t know “when”, we know “what” will come; we can be sure of it, and that gives us reason to wait patiently.

This holy training ground

Waiting—persevering—is a helpful tool in the refinement of our faith.

Because in our waiting, things can get messy. We can become disengaged with what is in front of us—for example, “putting up” with the “job for now” in anticipation of the “forever job”, which means we’re kind of checked out on the daily. We can also become disillusioned with any progress we’re making because it’s not what we’re holding out for.

We can become bitter with how others seem to have things come so “easily” to them—even when we know it’s not true.

The worst is, we can lose sight of what God is doing in our lives and what He has already done—the blessings already in our hands—because we’re too busy longing after something else.

God isn’t making us wait to frustrate us, but to purify us. The Epistle of James talks a bunch about persevering, particularly through trials, as described in James 1:2-4: “Consider it pure joy my brothers and sister when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete.”

God is active and creative in our waiting. I think back to these examples in Scripture:

Joseph received a promise in a dream where he saw his brothers and even his father bow down to him. He was sold into slavery, then spent years in prison, forgotten and alone. The long season of waiting whittled his pride, and eventually we hear Joseph proclaim what his brothers meant for harm, God made for good (Genesis 50:20).

Hannah, desperate for a baby. After years of longing for a child, she was so distraught in her prayerful grief that the priest thought she was intoxicated. And yet, even in her desperate longing, she saw children for what they really are—not hers but belonging to God (1 Samuel 1).

Even Paul, who wanted to go to Spain (Romans 15:24), but until God got him there, he worked hard on the missionary ground planting new churches and growing disciples.

Why Must I Wait? We live in a society of instantaneous information, fast-food, and the automated everything. There is little choice but to become tech-savvy, productive, as well as highly efficient. The downside for a generation like ours is that even a five-minute wait may be unbearable.

Three helpful postures to adopt while waiting

In Exodus 23:29-30, God speaks to the people of Israel about the Promised Land: “But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate, and the wild animals would multiply and threaten you. Little by little I will drive them out before you until you have increased enough to take possession of the land.”

The Israelites had to wait patiently to inherit the Promised Land from the previous inhabitants because God knew they were not ready. The scale of the land and the presence of fierce animals would have been too much for them to immediately take on.

They had to listen to Him in their wait, and the same is for us.  In our waiting, the first posture to adopt is listening. This means listening intently to what God is saying to us. His living Word is found in Scripture, the wisdom of respected others, and in the revelation of His Holy Spirit.

We can also listen to our own hearts for things like pride, self-reliance, or bitterness, which will never bear fruit in the outworking of God’s plans.

When I completed my time as an intern at church, I expected to stroll into a job in ministry. “Doing what?” someone asked me, and if I were honest, I just wanted to be a Hot Shot Worship Team Extraordinaire.

Yes, God had put passion within me for His church, but I knew there was a fair amount of personal agenda too. So, in the waiting that followed, I learned to adopt a posture of listening.

A second posture is one of curiosity. In one of my seasons of waiting, I decided to be purposeful and learn as much as I could, so I can eventually minister to others in similar situations.

Likewise, I wonder if there are things God is wanting to accomplish within you, preparing you so that “you have increased enough to take possession of the land” (Exodus 23:30) God is leading you into.

Finally, a third posture we can adopt is looking back—to take stock of God’s blessings towards us. It is always easy to fix our eyes on the next thing and forget everything that God has already done for us. So challenge yourself to look back and be thankful for all He has done, instead of getting cross that the next thing you’re waiting on hasn’t come.

What It’s Like to Wait on God Some of the very least favourite parts of my life are the days of waiting. Which, I guess, doesn’t say that much. After all, so much of life is waiting for something.

Sometimes, we wait . . . only to have nothing to show for it

The Apostle Paul never made it to Spain. Sometimes in life, we don’t make it to our “Spains”. Sometimes there are things we want and long for, that unfortunately aren’t in God’s ultimate plan for us. And that can sting.

In my case, a hefty amount of pride had to be relinquished before my heart was ready for any ministry. I had to give up my expectation of what it looked like to serve in ministry, so I could welcome whatever God would have in mind for me instead.

The secret to a beautiful and not bitter wait is to trust that God is our loving Father. This is a journey He is taking with us; He knows what we need (Matthew 6:8), and He is in control.

Dear friends, why not see waiting as a season to become even more dependent on God by surrendering control? And in turn, recognise that He will, in His time, bring everything into its fullness (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Also Read:

Waiting Well When Nothing’s Happening I hate waiting. The suspense often leaves me confused. Am I supposed to do something while waiting, or just sit it out until something happens?

The post The Secret to a Beautiful and Not Bitter Wait appeared first on YMI.

This ANZAC Day, I reflect on a story that’s woven into my own family’s history.

ANZAC (Australia and New Zealand Corps) is an important day in both these countries. It’s celebrated every year on April 25, to honour all who have served and died in all wars, conflicts, and peacetime operations.

Like all families, we too carry history of personal stories and experiences of those harrowing times.

My grandfather’s cousin, Basil Cleary, worked as a hospital chemist on the Gilbert Islands (now Kiribati, located in the Central Pacific Ocean). Stationed on these islands were a group of New Zealand soldiers called Coastwatchers, who oversaw key communication lines for the Allied Forces through the South Pacific.

Following the bombing of Pearl Harbour, several of the Coastwatchers were taken hostage by the Japanese, along with five civilians, one of which was Basil, and another was Reverend Alfred Sadd of the London Missionary Society.

After they were detained for some time, a decision was made to execute 17 soldiers and the five civilians, as punishment to the Allies for attacking Japanese ships. I learned that Basil died on October 15th, beheaded, and his body was thrown into a pit and later burned.

It is said that when the men realised what lay before them, Reverend Alfred Sadd began to encourage his fellow prisoners. One report suggested he sung the hymn Onward Christian Soldiers and volunteered to be the first to die. When he was ordered by their captors to wipe his feet on a laid-out Union Jack flag in the moments before his death, he knelt and kissed it instead.

Amidst such a hideous circumstance, I am thankful to know there was such a person as Alfred Sadd, who was there as a light in a moment of true darkness, helping summon courage for Basil and the others who were held captive.

Learning to Face Death from Nabeel Qureshi “It’s a little unsettling to watch the vlog of someone who knows he’s about to die,” I remember telling my mother after watching what would be Nabeel Qureshi’s second last video blog on YouTube just last week.

While most of us alive today are fortunate enough to not face this kind of intense persecution, we are no strangers to strife and difficulty in our lives, and our faith subject to ridicule if not persecution.

Suffering is inevitable because we live in a fallen world, and therefore, we find ourselves living side by side with wars, diseases and sickness. Yet as Christians, we are told to expect suffering for Christ’s sake, and He assures us that we are not left on our own (John 17:14-15, 20-21).

This ANZAC day, as I look to Sadd’s example, I’m moved to think about how we might better face our own suffering and be there for those who need encouragement.

Facing our suffering better

Often it is in the fussing over our suffering that we tend to make things worse. Like my cat.

My cat is a terrible patient (the vet told me as much). This is because when she has something wrong with her (most recently, a massive wound from a catfight), she doesn’t just let it be.

Instead, she fusses. She wriggles free from her “cone of shame” (a plastic collar) and then spend the rest of the day tearing out her stitches and licking her wound. Then I take her back to the vet, they staple the wound shut again, we get a new collar, and she does the whole thing again.

We can act this way too when we suffer. We spend all our time obsessively thinking about it, and not just the presence of the suffering, but also the millions of associated questions. Why me? What if I’d done X Y Z instead? This isn’t fair!

Yes, wrestling with questions is a natural and integral part of our faith, and I often reflect on Jacob, who was renamed Israel, meaning “wrestles with God”. There is a place for lament, grief, and a pouring out of our spirits in the suffering.

Yet, it’s important to not wallow and throw pity parties, or overthink the circumstances that led to the suffering—circumstances we could not control and yet somehow believe to be our fault.

What if I Can’t Accept My Suffering? For years, I had struggled with health issues. Plagued by auto-immune problems, anxiety, and OCD, I had to accept physical limitations and challenges with schoolwork, but I could not make peace with the mental disruption and chaos in my life.

We can feel what we feel, but we need to remember to bring our suffering to the foot of the cross, because it is only there that it can be properly dealt with. Where our faith is concerned, it is in suffering where we put our money where our mouths are. We can be tempted to abandon our once tightly held beliefs. Or we can choose to put our faith to practice—to lean on God and rely on Him to sustain us.

What does this look like practically? It looks like prayer—not conjuring fancy words we think we should say, but truthful, authentic words about where we are and what God’s Word says. Allowing ourselves to grieve, but also not end with us simply looking inward; instead, seeing these circumstances as drawing us into God’s presence, rather than away.

Our loving God has promised that He stands with us during these times. In Isaiah 43:2 we find these words:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.

And in 1 John 4:4: “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

I am encouraged in suffering to be as Reverend Sadd was—to not forfeit my faith in God and all that I confess to believe, but to stand firm and fortified in my faith.

Standing with others in suffering

I am challenged by how Sadd faced his final moments—rather than falling to pieces at his plight, he looked to those he was about to die alongside, amongst whom was my relative Basil.

The Christian life is designed to be lived facing outward. To mourn with those who mourn as much as we rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). When we stand alongside others, we mirror Christ and His promises to never abandon us. And it’s in times of great darkness that we can truly be light to the world (Matthew 5:14-16).

This can be difficult to do when we are all fighting our own battles. However, there is strength to be found when we stand with and encourage others, and when they do the same for us.

I love this word used in 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV): “love bears all things”. The word “bears” comes from a root word that depicts the image of a roof. It’s a powerful image for what it means to love—to be a covering, a shelter. It makes sense when we think about how people in pain need to find shelter, to be covered.

Recently when my grandmother passed, I was so blessed by the number of good friends (and most did not know her well) who made the effort to attend her funeral, just to cover me with love and stand with me in my grief. Sometimes, simply being there can be the mightiest way to support others in their suffering.

Mourn With Those Who Mourn As much as we try to be there for our loved ones, sometimes the worst still happens—the one we love has taken their own life. What now for those of us left behind?

Other ways could be offering prayer, a passage in Scripture, a song; providing a meal, a shoulder to cry on, an embrace, all ears to listen. Often, I find asking questions such as “What do you need?”, “Is there anything I can practically do to support/help you?”, helpful first steps.

And look, I get it. Sometimes we are at capacity; we have so much going on in our lives that we can’t find space for anything else.

If that’s you today, this isn’t meant to guilt you. You can be truthful with yourself and others about where you’re at. Sometimes, just honestly sharing with each other about our troubles can help, if only to let each other know that we’re not alone.

And when you find a few moments to spare, you might remember that prayer is the best thing you can do for yourself and your friend in need.

Why Christian Community Matters Living overseas for the first time in my life was something I mostly experienced with wide-eyed wonder. But beneath the excitement, anxiety and fear kept bubbling up as I searched for a church and a Christian community I could call “home”.

Sadd, in his incredible bravery and empathy in the way he supported Basil and the other captives, has challenged me to live my faith as he did—to stand firm in my own suffering, and to extend compassion and support to others in seasons of their own suffering.

Let’s be people who live life facing outwards—who see others, who love by bearing each other’s burdens, who’ll choose to forge ahead even when life gets uncomfortable, painful, scary. In all of these, may we remember that our powerful and loving Father carries us in His arms.

The post Learning Courage in the Face of Suffering appeared first on YMI.

In Bible College (or “Bridal College” as it’s also known), I was asked out on a date by a guy whom I had clearly stuck in the friend-zone list. But my friends encouraged us to be together because we were “so perfect for one another”. And he seemed to be everywhere I happened to be—surely this was a “sign” from God.

So, a few weeks later, I told him that “yes”, I was willing to go on a date with him.

My friends rejoiced and told us that we would end up together forever, and we’d write amazing, God-inspired music together.

We dated for three whole months before he dumped me, leaving me absolutely devastated. It took me almost an entire year to recover from my first official and shortest-lived relationship.

“But God told me it was okay?” I cried to a listening ear. “Why would He tell me it was okay if it wasn’t? He had sent me signs and even gave me Scripture!”

Why we over-spiritualise our love lives

This wasn’t the first time I had prayed asking God to show me whether the guy was “the one” for me or to give me “signs” if this was the person I should be dating. There were two other guys in the past, and I had prayed fervently to God and saw “signs” confirming they were “the ones” for me—but they both ended up with someone else.

Over time, I came to see several reasons why young Christians can be tempted to over-spiritualise their love lives and fall into a sense of despair or paralysis.

In part, there is a real sense of shame associated with dating “too many” people. I recall snide comments and whispers made about a girl I knew who dated two boys over a single year. People wondered if she took dating seriously enough and had equated her curiosity about compatibility with sin.

Many believe that much of this stemmed from the unhealthy culture that had formed due to certain popular Christian books that were espousing a particular way of dating; it wasn’t that these books were completely wrong, but they did contribute to this idea that the number of people you’ve gone out with correlates to how “holy” or “pure” you are.

So, in some church sub-cultures, youth and young adult ministries have created this version of dating to marry, where if you don’t marry the first guy or girl you date, you must have not been listening to God, or you’ve made a mistake somewhere somehow. And in some cases, if you decide to resort to online dating, that’s also seen as a failure. Within some circles (at least the ones I know of), it’s very normal to have someone throw out the “M” word the moment you’re officially boyfriend and girlfriend—even if it’s just been weeks of you becoming official.

What Should I Be Looking for in Dating? What does a godly dating relationship look like? While the Bible has a lot of wisdom and guidance for God-honoring marriages, it doesn't provide step-by-step instructions for how to achieve one. Sometimes this can leave us feeling frustrated and abandoned—but our God has promised never to leave us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He is a patient teacher, and He has a good plan for you and me, regardless of our relationship status.

Good Christian singles who don’t want to screw up

Because of all these expectations and “unspoken” rules about dating, young Christian singles who are desperate not to “screw up” and go on a date with anyone who isn’t their “future spouse”, end up either total frozen in indecision or else emotionally battered when a relationship doesn’t quite work out.

I recall hearing of a couple who took turns crushing on one another for years before finally going on a single date. Afterwards, they met up to debrief how the date went (Did it meet their expectations? Was there a future in their relationship after all?), and overwhelmed by the unknowns and uncertainties that dating entails, retreated into their separate holes and haven’t been out together (or with anyone else) since.

Another time, I heard a daunting statistic from the young adults’ pastor at my local church. Around 80 percent of the 18-to-30-year-olds were single. This wasn’t saying that being single is bad (because it isn’t!), but these young adults were reportedly unhappily single, too scared to ask anyone out, and just quietly pining for a mate.

It seems like singles are so desperate to follow Songs of Solomon 8:4, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”, thinking it’s code for, “Don’t let yourself develop feelings for the guy until he’s your future husband.” And yes, Proverbs 4:23 also says we’re to guard our hearts, but these verses don’t mean that we look for the big billboard sign that’ll point us to “the one”.

30+, Single, and Trying Not to Settle Online dating in one’s 30s is not for the faint-hearted. Repeating answers to the same few questions for months on end, labouring to shape an organic conversation out of a vacuum, doing my best not to glance at my watch during tedious first dates . . . required a kind of endurance I hadn’t anticipated.

We want a “biblical” wedding

Some of us have fallen into the trap of wanting a “biblical” wedding.

But the thing is, relationships are a bit “weird” in the Bible, and while the intention to marry and the eventual union of marriage is straightforward, a sacrament, and a beautiful allegory of Christ and the church, the logistics of how you get there isn’t something we can cut-and-paste straight out of Scripture.

Isaac met his wife because his dad sent a servant to go find a girl in their old homeland and she had to be one who offered the servant’s camels water (Genesis 24).

David met one of his wives Abigail because she helped smoothen over relationships between him and her previous husband, before her previous husband was struck dead (1 Samuel 25).

Jacob met his wife by spotting her, falling in love at first sight, then getting tricked by her father into marrying the older, slightly less pretty sister, before waiting and working another seven years to marry the girl he wanted in the first place (Genesis 29:1-30).

These stories are a long, long way from the “engaged in a year, married in three months” model that some of us are taught to idolise.

And as much as we’re fascinated about what these marriages in the Bible may have to teach us, for the most part, the marriages were just . . . marriages that were recorded in the Bible—as narratives, not as fables with morals or instructions.

At the end of the day, marriage involves two people trying their best to love one another in the way God intended for this relationship dynamic—which is, ultimately, to illustrate His love towards us.

What 5 Bible Couples Teach Us About Romance The Bible can offer us wisdom on many different topics and in many different ways. Looking at couples in the bible can be a great way to learn about a biblical approach to relationships.

We want perfection

Sometimes, I wonder if our aversion to things going wrong is because we hold tightly to the expectation that everything needs to work out perfectly. Perhaps we have developed and are stubbornly holding onto a worldview that doesn’t exist in Scripture.

I would argue that many of us Christians (myself included) have developed a dislike for long roads. We don’t like downs, we only like ups. We want the path to which God has called us to be free of U-turns or detours, even if a scenic one. The best is a shortcut that lets us get to the “destination” in the shortest time possible.

This mentality then translates to how we approach dating: if we’re doing it right, we won’t have to go on many dates to find “the one”. If we find the perfect boyfriend/girlfriend, they’ll become the perfect spouse, and we’ll have a good marriage, and everything will work out.

I’m not saying that we should be careless and nonchalant about dating, or complacent about boundaries and purity.

But maybe, just maybe, we need to get comfortable with the idea that we are human, we aren’t perfect, just as our potential love interest is likewise human and not perfect.

We “fictionalise” our love lives

At this point, I want to suggest it’s also possible that we are attempting to fictionalise our love lives—we expect them to be straightforward. Then when things get complicated, we equate it with sin or God’s judgment because we got it wrong.

Sometimes, I think in our love lives, we need the same challenge. Instead of looking for signs, we need to ask for wisdom and practice discernment. We need to learn to be sensible.

Most of us are desperate to live our lives as if it’s played out like a movie or a book. We’ve come to terms with our understanding that life (and everything it holds) won’t be perfect, but a part of us holds on to that hope that life can and should imitate art.

Growing Up on Hollywood’s Love I rolled my eyes when I read the news that Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston are an item. “Wait, what? Didn't she just break up with Calvin Harris like yesterday?” I thought as I scrolled through the story.

Recently, I was seeking to fictionalise my life. My husband looked at me and told me to stop overthinking the decision I was stressing over.

“Are you sinning?” he asked me. “No? So just take the step. Stop overthinking.”

Are you sinning? No? Just take the step and stop overthinking. So, go and ask the person you fancy out for a coffee, you don’t have to know if you will tie the knot in the future.

Friend, life can be non-linear, and sometimes things don’t work out how we expect them to, but they can still result in unexpected and beautiful outcomes.

And perhaps, we do not need to fear the long roads and view them as a sign of God’s lack of provision and sovereignty, but instead as an interaction of our free will and God’s engagement of that.

I love Proverbs 16:9, which says we plan our way in our hearts, but God determines our steps. We can trust Him, without being so scared of screwing up and finding ourselves trapped in paralysis.

God has wonderful things planned for our lives and in the end, it’ll all be part of His story.

The post Are We Over-Spiritualising Our Love Lives? appeared first on YMI.

A few years back, it became apparent that I had turned God into Simon Cowell.

The realisation came while I was in a class on spiritual formation. Our lecturer had informed us that we would be exploring our understanding of God’s personality and our own perception of His character.

In my case, I had pictured God sitting in a massive black leather armchair, peering at me with squinted, unimpressed eyes while I stood anxiously on stage after having muddled my way through Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” (or some other trite talent show song), wilted and waiting for His scathing words.

I’d turned God into an X-Factor Judge who was waiting to tell me how “average” my attempts were. And I’m not talking about sin; I’m talking about my day-to-day—

• my success at university, handing in assignments, answering questions in lectures;
• my relationships, whatever “hat” I was wearing, as daughter, friend, sister;
• my job and all the mistakes I’ve made;
• my ministry (on the worship team), how effective (or not) I am based on people’s reactions.

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? I come from a loving family, and have great friends, but there have been days where I’ve felt like I was living under their shadow. All of them seemed to enjoy success in the areas of work, relationships, and ministry, while I seemed to keep losing out on academic and personal achievements.

A part of it, I suspect, is that I often have high expectations of myself and can be guilty of negative self-talk. Even though I’ve got a wonderful dad who is always encouraging, and I can’t recall any Sunday school teacher telling me that God had a big stick to hit me if I screwed up, I’d developed a very harsh inner critic. A lot of the words, expectations, and deep sighs of disappointment I hear in my head weren’t God’s; I had just projected them onto Him.

In his book Knowledge of the Holy, A. W. Tozer said, “We tend by a secret law of the soul to move toward our mental image of God.”

What he means is that we build our lives around who we see God to be—whether as a loving, caring father who smiles ear to ear as we undertake our day-to-day activities, or a hippie-style Jesus who was the early equivalent of a social justice advocate, or seeing the Holy Spirit as some random, unpredictable personality that has to be coaxed into action.

“You’ll all be wrong somewhere,” our lecturer told us with a broad smile, “because we all are.”

4 False Views We Have About God Fill in the blanks. God is _____. Hmm . . .  perhaps we aren’t sure and our mind has drawn a blank.

But God is the ultimate judge, isn’t He?

Don’t get me wrong, God is the Ultimate Judge, as these verses show us:

“For the Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our King, He will save us.” (Isaiah 33:22).

“There is only one lawgiver and judge, the One who is able to save and destroy, but who are you to judge your neighbour?” (James 4:12).

However, God’s judgement already fell on Christ two thousand years ago, while He hung on the cross; it doesn’t fall on us anymore when we have Christ in us, and have made Him truly the Lord of our lives.

One of the cleverest ways the enemy looks to erode our relationship with God is by making us question His identity or the integrity of His words. I think back to Genesis 3, where the serpent asked Eve, “Did God really say. . . ?”, inviting her to doubt God’s nature and intentions.

In my case, I’m fed this image of God as X-Factor Judge, which simply doesn’t line up with Scriptures like these:

“The Lord is gracious and righteous, our God is full of compassion” (Psalm 116:5).

“The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jeremiah 31:3).

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

Here, I want to share two little signposts to help you navigate the same struggle. The first is how we can understand God’s true nature, and the second is how to better handle failure.

1. Understand God’s true nature

The most effective way to realign our understanding of God’s nature is to go regularly to His Word and pay close attention to His character within the Scriptures. Personally, a wonderful place to start is the Gospels, which helps us examine closely the person of Christ.

I’ve found this wonderful passage in Matthew 9:36: “When he saw the crowds, He had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”

It gives me chills to sense the care and love that resonates through this one statement. Jesus looked upon these people just so desperate for Him and had compassion. For someone like me, who struggles to have compassion towards myself, the very fact that God has compassion towards me is mind-blowing.

I can’t say I’ve “arrived” at a full understanding of God’s true nature, but I’m challenged to continually refine my knowledge of Him. I’ve been encouraged by this crowdfunded TV series called The Chosen, which portrays the life and ministry of Jesus on earth.

Seeing these stories I’ve known my whole life in a fresh way has helped me better understand elements of God’s nature towards humanity. It has helped me in the re-reading of these stories, giving me a new perspective on Jesus, especially seeing how He built His relationships with the disciples, and how He showed compassion, particularly to the downtrodden and marginalised.

Why Did Jesus Have to Come As A Human? Jesus is easily the most influential person to have ever lived. He is also, possibly, the most enigmatic figure in human history. Talk to anyone and you will find that the vast majority actually do have something to say about Jesus, with a sizeable number choosing to believe the sensational (or the stereotypical) and not necessarily the truth.

I encourage you to take a slow walk through Scripture and take note of who God exhibits Himself to be, particularly in the New Testament—not because God is different in the Old Testament, but because the New Testament functions from the New Covenant under Jesus Christ. And because we are in Jesus, God sees us through His work on the cross, and so we need not strive and prove ourselves in order to be right before Him.

Even as God is Judge, He is also Father (Matthew 6:9), Creator (Colossians 1:16), Saviour (Isaiah 12:2), Defender (Psalm 5:11), and Friend (John 15:15). In fact, Romans 2:4 speaks of how it is His kindness, not a harsh dressing down, that leads us to repentance.

2. Handle failure better

Inevitably we do mess up. We all have days where we forgot that thing at work that we can’t believe we forgot. How should we process these, in a way that is healthy and doesn’t project mean words onto the mouth of a good God?

A few years back, I made a mistake in my job which had some pretty expensive consequences, and it made me feel really guilty and stupid. But my dad encouraged me to remember that God is powerful and in control, and so I need not stress so much.

As it turned out, the mistake I made highlighted a gap in our processes that needed to be improved to better our business. We could have learnt the same lesson later, only with much higher stakes. I was encouraged to see how God was very much in control of that situation.

2 Corinthians 12:9 is always a good reminder of how God’s grace is sufficient—where the Apostle Paul reminds us that God’s power is genuinely best exhibited in our weaknesses. Perhaps then we ought to become more comfortable with instances we don’t feel enough, because we can have confidence in God’s hand through those times.

God is Not a Perfectionist “Another morning and I wake with thirst for the goodness I do not have,” writes the American poet Mary Oliver. This was a line that resonated with me for several years.

In my case, it also means taking failure at face value. This means I’ll choose to think to myself, “Gosh, I wish that hadn’t happened, and maybe I could have changed things if I did ___, which I can do next time. But now, I’m gonna let God be in charge of what happens from here.” As opposed to ruminating on what I did, what I could have done, dissecting why I’d screwed up, lamenting how terrible I am, beating myself up for hours on end, wishing I wasn’t such a disappointment.

While I’m going to be truthful about this situation and how I contributed to it, I’m going to also show myself grace just as God shows me grace, and be reassured knowing that He is in control.

As I continue to challenge this Simon Cowell version of God in my head, I’m moved to keep immersing myself in Scripture so this image can be completely erased and replaced with the true version. It is a journey, but little by little, God’s voice, His gentleness, and His grace towards me is becoming more and more apparent. Seeing how He sees me, knowing how He loves me and cheers me on, I’m able to be kind to myself and thrive in the image of my loving Father.

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